Tuesday, February 14, 2012

Political Valentines

It’s February 14th
according to my watch
So I texted you a picture
Of my ginormous crotch
- Anthony Weiner

My beautiful wife:
What color is a rose?
Red is the answer
Now I’m leaving you for Calista
While you’re riddled with cancer
- Newt

Roses are red
And not easy to prune
Will you be my First Lady
When I’m President of the Moon?
- Newt

On this Valentine’s Day
My wife, I was hopin’
That we could make our marriage
A little more, uhh, open…
- Newt

On this 14th of February,
I’ll ask you, my honey
Won’t you be my Valentine,
My beautiful money?
- Mitt Romney

To my lovely wife:
On this Valentine’s Day,
please let me explain
Corporations are people
So I’ve run off with Bain
- Mitt Romney

About Valentine’s Day
my husband is vague
He spent the whole day at the airport
With ex-Senator Larry Craig
- Michelle Bachmann

Don’t be botherin’ me
with your Valentine’s trivia
I’m still tryin’ to remember…
What the hell is a Libya?
- Herman Cain

Hey baby,
There’s no need to get raucous
Just get down on your knees
And vote in my caucus
- Herman Cain

Violets are blue
and roses are red
and over there is Russia
see, there’s Putin’ rearin’ his head
- Sarah Palin

I love you so much,
I wrote you this poem
Happy Valentine’s Day
from your garden gnome
- Ron Paul

My lawful wedded wife
I bid thee my troth
If you google my name
You get “anal froth”
- Rick Santorum

On this Valentine’s Day
Please say there’s a chance
And I’ll sweep you away
to my Niggerhead Ranch
- Rick Perry

Roses are red
You put them in a vase
I’m really, really sorry
I shot you in the face
- Dick Cheney

Enjoy this Valentine’s
I hope it’s the most
Cause in 10 months and a week
You’re all gonna be toast
- The Mayans