Tuesday, August 6, 2013

Breaking Bard

Macmeth: The Most Excellent Dark Comedie and Tragical Historie of Sir Walter Whyte  

In which we catch you up to speed with “Breaking Bad” by recapping the first 8 episodes of Season 5 – in Shakespearean (sort of) verse! 

Epysode the Fyrst: “Liveth Free or Die”

Fie! In futuretymes, Walt celebrayteth his byrtheday, 52nd,
In the tavern known as Denny’s Restaurant.
And double-fie! No longer bald,
A full head of curly locks his head doth hold.

Entering Denny’s secret privy,
To a bearded gentleman, Walt doth divvy
Some funds in exchange for a turnkey to one
Automobile, which in its trunk holds a machyne gun. 

We flash backwards in tyme to Lady Skyler, his wife,
Who reveals to Walt that she now feareth him, for her life.

Meanwhilst, Myke, upon learning of Gus Fring’s fate,
Returneth from Mexico, with plans to smite Walt and make him Walt the Late.
But lo, Jesse becalmes the angry Myke,
And convinces him to hold his strike.

Erewhile, at Ye Olde Chicken Brothers shoppe,
Hank hath seized Gus’ computing lappetoppe,
Containing evidence, filled with death
Surveillance from the Stupendous Lab of meth.

Upon learning that the lappetoppe is in a place dark and murky,
A castle stronghold of the High Sheriff of Albuquerque,
Our three heroic outlaws put brains to wrack,
To contrive a plot to get the lapptoppe back.
Forsooth! cries Jesse, A giant magnet would do the tricken,
‘twould foul the lappetoppe taken from the Brothers Chicken!

And so to Old Joe’s Junkyarde they do away, and with some lucke,
Set hands upon a giant magnet-laden truck,
Which they drive to the High Sheriff’s secret lair,
And set about their convoluted plan with care.
They activate the great magnet
And turn the lappetoppe’s evidence to (bleep).

As our heroes make their gallante escape, 
Myke, still surly as an ape, 
Cries to Walt, Fie! You say we're safe, but how do you know
We have not somehow stubbed our toe?
Perhaps to be arrested in a week or day?
To which Walt, with steely gaze replies, 'Tis so because so I say.

To vieweth the entyre eight epysodes, clicketh herewith: Breaking Bard.