According to Stupidologists at the Doofus Institute in Moron, Miss., 2010 was the stupidest year on record, and it's only going to get stupider. That's because the average dumbiture of the Earth is rising, an effect known as Global Dumbing, which, scientists believe, is caused by a dramatic rise in the polar dunce caps, which in turn causes the entire brainosphere to spin countersmartwise.
Of course, the Global Dumbing deniers continue to argue that Global Dumbing doesn't exist, but let's look at the facts, shall we? In 2010 we had the following stories:
* In July, New Mexico police found a 47-year-old man on the side of a highway with his prosthetic leg on fire and severe burns on his buttocks. The man said he'd agreed to let his friends set the leg on fire after he lost a drinking bet.
* In June, the mayor of Leicester, England, was left red-faced when his pants fell down as he stood up to give a speech in a library packed with schoolchildren. A surprised onlooker said it was like The Benny Hill Show.
* As a Valentine's Day gift for his wife, a southern Minnesota farmer created a heart nearly a mile wide made out of manure.
Well, there you have it. Singed buttocks, pantsless mayors and pillow brides. Take a bow, 2010. Take a bow.
Of course, the Global Dumbing deniers continue to argue that Global Dumbing doesn't exist, but let's look at the facts, shall we? In 2010 we had the following stories:
* In July, New Mexico police found a 47-year-old man on the side of a highway with his prosthetic leg on fire and severe burns on his buttocks. The man said he'd agreed to let his friends set the leg on fire after he lost a drinking bet.
* In June, the mayor of Leicester, England, was left red-faced when his pants fell down as he stood up to give a speech in a library packed with schoolchildren. A surprised onlooker said it was like The Benny Hill Show.
* As a Valentine's Day gift for his wife, a southern Minnesota farmer created a heart nearly a mile wide made out of manure.
* And finally, there’s Lee Jin-gyu, the 28-year-old South Korean man who, back in March, fell in love with, and then married … his pillow.
That’s right. His pillow. Here’s a guy who really knows how to get down.
In Mr. Lee’s defense, his bride wasn’t just any pillow, but a 'dakimakura' - a kind of large, huggable pillow from Japan, with a picture of a popular female anime character printed on the side. Lee wed the pillow in a special ceremony, after stuffing it into a wedding dress for the service in front of a local priest.
“He is completely obsessed with this pillow and takes it everywhere,” said one friend. (He has friends?) “They go out to the park or the funfair where it will go on all the rides with him. Then when he goes out to eat he takes it with him and it gets its own seat and its own meal.”
That’s right. His pillow. Here’s a guy who really knows how to get down.
In Mr. Lee’s defense, his bride wasn’t just any pillow, but a 'dakimakura' - a kind of large, huggable pillow from Japan, with a picture of a popular female anime character printed on the side. Lee wed the pillow in a special ceremony, after stuffing it into a wedding dress for the service in front of a local priest.
“He is completely obsessed with this pillow and takes it everywhere,” said one friend. (He has friends?) “They go out to the park or the funfair where it will go on all the rides with him. Then when he goes out to eat he takes it with him and it gets its own seat and its own meal.”
