Frankenjowls, or A Boy Named Sununu

(sung to the tune of A Boy Named Sue)   

In his castle in old Transylvaney
Mitt Romney and his hunchback, Cheney,
Set out to create the perfect political oaf
Well they had John Bolton, that mustachioed hack
And the rest of the crowd from old Iraq
Not to mention rock “stars” like Nugent and Meat Loaf.

But Mitt needed a meaner, older cuss
to shovel crap and make a fuss
and do stuff I guess Earl Butz was unavailable to do
So they went down to the political graveyard
and dug up this old jowly tub of lard
and brought back to the castle a boy named Sununu.

Now this old goat was Bush the Elder’s Chief of Staff
The king of crooks, the governor of graft
This low-down, anti-semitic, racist tub of goo
got caught using government jets and limousines
to get a haircut or go skiing
He resigned in disgrace around 1992.

So that’s who Mitt and Cheney laid out on a slab
deep in the bowels of Romney’s secret lab
and attempted to bring out of his long hibernation
They hooked electrodes to his jowls and threw the switch,
Then lightning flashed and the creature twitched
And Mitt yelled, “It’s alive! Just like a corporation!”

Well they cleaned him up and put him in a suit
said, “Frankenjowls, the airwaves you must pollute,”
And sent the creature off to kick ass like Patrick Swayze

Well the monster went on TV and flapped his jowls
Said something racist about Colin Powell

and even called the President “detached and lazy.”

Now the creature roamed the countryside
Insulting folks both far and wide
He wallowed in the gutter, filth and sleaze
Of the President, our number one,
he said, “I wish he’d learn to be an American,”
This from the guy born in Cuba of parentage Lebanese.

Well the villagers had finally had enough
Of the creature’s vile and racist stuff

With pitchforks and torches they chased him over hill and dale and glen

At night the hideous monster flapped his awful jowls
And let out a series of mournful howls

He said, “I’m not a monster, I’m just a Republican.”

Now the creature, lonely and again disgraced
Lamented his ugly, camel-face
Said, “If I only had a bride to lend me her cold shoulder.”
He prayed for a female corpse that’s single

And he put an ad on Christian Mingle
And that’s how the monster found his bride, Anne Coulter.

She put her hair up in a bun
And now the two creatures are on the run
From a world that has rejected their Neanderthal point of view

They whisper hateful, racist nothings in each other’s ears
But the world has nothing left to fear
from the monster couple, unless they make their own boy …. named Sununu.