Starring:
Samuel
L. Jackson as Charlie Brown
Pam
Grier as Lucy
Robert
DeNiro as Linus
Bridget
Fonda as Peppermint Patty
Michael
Keaton as Pig-Pen
Lisa Gay Hamilton as
Charlie Brown’s little sister, Sheronda
Robert
Forster as Max Cherry, Cherry Bail Bonds
Chris Tucker as Snoopy
Scene I
Halloween night. Lucy,
Charlie Brown, Schroeder, Patty, and Pig-Pen are all in costume,
trick-or-treating.
Lucy: I got 5 pieces of
candy!
Schroeder: I got a
chocolate bar!
Patty: I got a quarter!
Charlie Brown: I got a
Glock, motherfucker!
Scene II
Charlie Brown is raking
leaves in his yard. Lucy enters carrying a football.
Lucy: Say, Charlie Brown.
I’ve got a football. How about practicing a few placekicks? I’ll hold the ball,
and you come running and kick it!
Charlie Brown: Look,
bitch. My ass might be dumb, but I am not a dumb ass.
Lucy: Oh, come on,
Charlie Brown. I’ll hold it steady.
Charlie Brown: You just
want me to come running up to kick that ball so you can pull it away and see me
land flat on my back and kill myself.
Lucy: This time, you can
trust me. See, here’s a signed document, testifying that I promise not to pull
it away.
Charlie takes the
document and reads it.
Charlie: It is signed!
It’s a signed document! I guess if you have a signed document in your
possession, you can’t go wrong. This year I’m really gonna kick that football.
Charlie Brown runs toward
Lucy, but at the last second, Lucy pulls the football away. Charlie screams as
he kicks at air, landing on his back.
Lucy: Peculiar thing
about this document. It was never notarized.
Charlie Brown stands up,
frowning. He is humiliated.
Charlie: Woman, damn.
He takes out his Glock
and pumps two bullets into Lucy’s torso.
