Manti! The Musical

ACT 1, SCENE 1

Manti Te'o, alone in his dorm room.

MANTI (singing, to the tune of Burt Bacharach's "I'll Never Fall In Love Again"):

What do you get when your girl’s a hoax?

You fall in love with an internet photo

Then you find out it’s Roniah Tuiasosopo

I’ll never fall in love again

I’ll never fall in love again

What do you get when your girl’s a fake?

You drop down the draft board of Mel Kiper

And when you do, she won’t even skype ya

I’ll never fall in love again

I’ll never fall in love again

Don’t tell me what it’s all about

You’re in the grave and then you’re out

Sucking me in with your phony beauty

This never happened to the Gipper or Rudy

What do you get when your girl’s a fake?

She gets in a wreck and ends up in a coma

That’s why I said to Robby Toma

I’ll never fall in love again

I’ll never fall in love again

What do you get when you never meet your girl?

Everyone says it should be steamier
Then she goes and gets fake leukemia

I’ll never fall in love again

I’ll never fall in love again