At the Wedgester’s
apartment
But Wedgie wasn’t saying boo
‘cause he was behind in
the rent
So he turned out the
lights
And sat in the dark like a dummy
And sat in the dark like a dummy
Just sat there all night
As quiet as a mummy
Until the sun came up
On Halloween morn
Still Wedgester just sat
there
Eating Tootsie Rolls and
Candy Corn
Then from outside his
door
There arose such a din
He thought it was the
aliens
Come to probe him again
He crept to the door
And peered through his
peephole
And what he saw in the
hall
Sent a chill through his
soul
‘Cross the hallway he
spied
Some trick-or-treaters
there lurking
One dressed as Miley
Cyrus
So painfully twerking
Behind her another
costumed even stranger
costumed even stranger
‘twas Anthony Weiner
Dressed as Carlos Danger
A mustachioed guy in a
beret
with a gun gave him a jolt
with a gun gave him a jolt
Dressed like a sprinter
With a sash that read:
Saddam Hussein Bolt
There’s the new Pope, Francis
In pointy hat and fancy nighty
In pointy hat and fancy nighty
And Breaking Bad’s Walter
White
In gas mask and tighty-whiteys
Then Silvio Berlusconi
With a blonde and some fettuccine alfredo
And right behind them came a guy
Dressed as a Sharknado
With a blonde and some fettuccine alfredo
And right behind them came a guy
Dressed as a Sharknado
There, of course, was a
pirate
Hopping around on a stump
And someone dressed as a pregnant belly --
Kim Kardashian’s baby bump
Hopping around on a stump
And someone dressed as a pregnant belly --
Kim Kardashian’s baby bump
And two hours late,
Justin Bieber, looking so swank
With a pet monkey on a leash
And a Belieber – Anne Frank
Justin Bieber, looking so swank
With a pet monkey on a leash
And a Belieber – Anne Frank
Finally, when all the
trick or treaters
Had come and had gone
Wedgester, still at the peephole,
Stifling a yawn
Had come and had gone
Wedgester, still at the peephole,
Stifling a yawn
Saw a giant orange head
With a grin that was
insaner
Than a barrel of chimps
Wedgester threw open his
door and cried out, “John Boehner?”
But it wasn’t the Speaker
‘Twas just his landlord
Carrying a pumpkin he’d
carved
Into a decorative gourd
His landlord said, “Ain’t
she a beaut?
I hand-carved and
hand-picked it.
And then I just dropped
by
To say you’re evicted.”
Wedgester gave up the
ghost
And shuffled down to the dumpster
Crawled in and went to sleep in a puddle
And shuffled down to the dumpster
Crawled in and went to sleep in a puddle
Of what he hoped was
Worcestershire
A little while later he awoke
And knew it was all a bad
dream
For his butt was quite
sore
And an alien, looking
down, said, “Happy Halloween!”
