Twas the Night Before Halloween

Twas the night before Halloween

At the Wedgester’s apartment

But Wedgie wasn’t saying boo

‘cause he was behind in the rent

So he turned out the lights
And sat in the dark like a dummy

Just sat there all night

As quiet as a mummy

Until the sun came up

On Halloween morn

Still Wedgester just sat there

Eating Tootsie Rolls and Candy Corn

Then from outside his door

There arose such a din

He thought it was the aliens

Come to probe him again

He crept to the door

And peered through his peephole

And what he saw in the hall

Sent a chill through his soul

‘Cross the hallway he spied

Some trick-or-treaters there lurking

One dressed as Miley Cyrus

So painfully twerking

Behind her another  
costumed even stranger

‘twas Anthony Weiner

Dressed as Carlos Danger

A mustachioed guy in a beret
with a gun gave him a jolt

Dressed like a sprinter

With a sash that read: Saddam Hussein Bolt  

There’s the new Pope, Francis
In pointy hat and fancy nighty

And Breaking Bad’s Walter White

In gas mask and tighty-whiteys

Then Silvio Berlusconi
With a blonde and some fettuccine alfredo
And right behind them came a guy
Dressed as a Sharknado

There, of course, was a pirate
Hopping around on a stump
And someone dressed as a pregnant belly --
Kim Kardashian’s baby bump

And two hours late,
Justin Bieber, looking so swank
With a pet monkey on a leash
And a Belieber – Anne Frank

Finally, when all the trick or treaters
Had come and had gone
Wedgester, still at the peephole,
Stifling a yawn

Saw a giant orange head

With a grin that was insaner

Than a barrel of chimps

Wedgester threw open his door and cried out, “John Boehner?”

But it wasn’t the Speaker

‘Twas just his landlord

Carrying a pumpkin he’d carved

Into a decorative gourd

His landlord said, “Ain’t she a beaut?

I hand-carved and hand-picked it.

And then I just dropped by

To say you’re evicted.”

Wedgester gave up the ghost
And shuffled down to the dumpster
Crawled in and went to sleep in a puddle

Of what he hoped was Worcestershire

A little while later he awoke

And knew it was all a bad dream

For his butt was quite sore

And an alien, looking down, said, “Happy Halloween!”