Today is a very special day in Oregon history. Very special. In fact, we’re going to go out on a limb and say that it’s probably THE most special day in Oregon history. EVER!!! Why? Because on this day, November 12, the two most fantastic things that have ever occurred in the state of Oregon happened, and they happened on the same day: November 12, 1970. A day that will live in infamy. And hilarity. Call it Infalarity. Or Hilaramy. Whatever. But 43 years ago today, on November 12, 1970, at 3:45 p.m., the famous Exploding Whale – yes, THAT exploding whale -- was blown up on the Oregon coast, in Florence. Meanwhile, in Portland, some 132 miles away as the exploding whale blubber flies, Tonya Harding was born.
Now, we know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking, “Well, if this doesn’t put the dunce in coincidunce.” And then the second thing you’re thinking is, “Why hasn’t anyone, anyplace, at any time, ever mentioned this amazing coincidence before, and more importantly, where are our Tonya-and-the Exploding Whale limericks?”
Well, our long, local nightmare is over. Here they are, a handful of awful, no-good, very bad Happy Birthday, Tonya and Happy Anniversary, Exploding Whale limericks. Enjoy:
Happy Birthday to our ice-skating hick
A triple axel, you one time did stick
But then your life got unruly
Thanks, in part, to Gillooly
You were born the same day they blew up Moby Dick?
You skated to fame and became a knee-clubber
Fought Paula Jones in the ring and you drubbed her
You threw hubcaps at guys
I guess it would be no surprise
To find, being born, you were hit by a chunk of whale blubber
Tonya, some compared you to trash that is white
And your choices haven’t always been bright
At least you (mostly) stayed out of jail
And made out better than the whale
Hope your birthday is pure Dynomite!
You made Nancy Kerrigan cry
And grab at her knee wailing “Why, why, why?”
From the day you were born
You’ve dodged judgment and scorn
And chunks of dead whale from the sky
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