A bald-headed Donald Trump today offered President Obama $5 million if he will authorize FEMA to find his wig, which apparently blew off his head Monday evening when Hurricane Sandy swept through Manhattan.
The real estate mogul made the offer this morning at a press conference outside Trump Tower in midtown Manhattan. “If Barack Obama directs FEMA to drop what they’re doing in other parts of the region and begin a massive search for my hair, I will give to the charity of his choice — inner city children in Chicago, American Cancer Society, AIDS research, anything he wants — a check immediately for $5 million,” he said. “The check will be given within one hour after he orders FEMA to begin the search for my toupee. He will be doing a great service for the country if he does this.”
Trump said he lost his wig Monday during Hurricane Sandy. “I had just opened a window of my penthouse in the beautiful and luxurious Trump Tower, and stuck my head out to look at the hurricane, when a huge gust of wind came along and blew my toupee off,” said Trump. “It was huge. A huge gust of wind. The last I saw of my hair, it was soaring past West 57th Street, past the Louis Vuitton building, heading towards Central Park.”
Trump said his toupee is one of a kind, and irreplaceable. “My toupee, like everything else about me, is unique,” he said. “There isn’t another one like it in the whole world. It was made from the fur of an endangered Sumatran Orangutan, which is a very impressive, very large, orange ape. Huge. There are only about 7,000 of them still alive in the wild.”
Trump refused to place a value on the wig. “Let me put it this way,” he said. “If I were to tell you how much this toupee is worth, you would be astounded. It’s a huge dollar amount. Huge. Very big. Bigger than anyone would know.”