Wednesday, November 7, 2012

Rebel Without a Clue: Tweets from Trump’s Revolution

As you know by now, Donald Trump wigged out on election night, sending out a series of tweets raving against the election results, and even calling for a “revolution!” against President Obama and the “phoney (sic) electoral college.”

Thank God real Americans have a brave hero to lead them against the evil Kenyan socialist anti-Christ, Obama. So let’s take this moment to stop and visualize just how totally freaking awesome a Donald Trump-led revolution against the government of the United States would be. Here’s how we envision the Trump Revolution going, as described by a series of tweets from General Trump himself:

Donald J. Trump @realGeneralTrump  Nov. 12
My revolution has begun! I’ve set up camp in a secret location in the Catskills. My new beard itches, and my cave is not xactly the Ritz. #VivaLaRevolucion

Donald J. Trump @realGeneralTrump  49m
More recruits arrived today. Not a bad bunch, but Dick Morris keeps spooning me at night in my cave. Those aren’t marshmallows, Dick. #LegitimateNightmare

Donald J. Trump @realGeneralTrump  Nov. 14
What a travesty! Today, while hunting in the woods, Nugent shot me in the face with his crossbow. Said he thought my hair was a possum. #RebelWithoutAnEar

Donald J. Trump @realGeneralTrump  Nov. 17
Have informed Obama that fighting season will be from May-Aug., due to my NBC schedule (Celebrity Apprentice begins shooting Aug. 5!) #VivaLaRevolucion

Donald J. Trump @realGeneralTrump   Nov. 18
Recorded my 1st video in the cave 2day. Called 4 Holy War against Obama. Also pitched new reality show 2 NBC. #CelebrityRebel

Donald J. Trump @realGeneralTrump  Nov. 21
Conditions are terrible in camp. Many of my men forced to boil their shoes for food. Had to wrestle Limbaugh 4 my Gucci loafers. #TasteLikeChickenFeet

Donald J. Trump @realGeneralTrump  Nov. 24
Getting ready for my 1st attack! Very xcited! Leading my rebels against a force of Obama’s mercenaries in Trenton. Gonna b Huge! #Hessians

Donald J. Trump @realDonaldTrump  13m
Am leading my rebel troops from my command cave. Hey, I’m a luvr, not a fighter! Col. West is in the field. #FingersCrossed

Donald J. Trump @realGeneralTrump   Nov. 25 
Well we lost. Attack was a travesty, thank u Hank Williams Jr. Just as we snuck up on the Hessians, he yelled, “R U ready for some ambush?”

Donald J. Trump @realGeneralTrump  8m
Lost ½ my army at Trenton, including Steve Doocy, Meat Loaf, and one of the Koch Bros. The one with glasses. Back 2 the drawing board.

Donald J. Trump @realGeneralTrump  Nov. 26
I m shocked & outraged. The cowards at NBC r threatening 2 cancel Celeb Apprentice! I regret that I have but 1 TV show 2 give 4 my country. #Travesty&Sham

Donald J. Trump @realGeneralTrump  21m
I have a huge announcement coming soon. Very big. Huge. Bigger than anyone would know. Stay tuned.

Donald J. Trump @realGeneralTrump  Nov. 27
Good newz/bad newz. Bad newz first: I regret 2 announce that I have ben forced to cease hostilities against Obama. The Revolution is over.

Donald J. Trump @realGeneralTrump 3m
Now the good newz: The new season of Celebrity Apprentice begins Sept. 14. It’s going to be huge. Incredibly huge. Colossal. Stay tuned.


  1. Regret only 1 TV show to give 4 my country. ..2 FUNNY!