Friday, May 6, 2011

Fox News Headquarters Explodes – Investigators Cite Lethal Mixture of Stupid and Crazy

Investigators sifting through the rubble of Fox News Channel headquarters in New York City after it blew up early this morning say they believe the massive explosion was caused by a lethal mixture of crazy and stupid, forming an explosive chemical that experts call “crupid.”

“Anyone who’s spent five minutes watching that channel since the death of Osama bin Laden would immediately recognize that a dangerous chemical combination was being introduced,” said New York City fire investigator Jerry Ewing. “All the signs were there. When you get that much crazy and stupid in one enclosed space, something has to give.”

Chemicals expert James Farthammer agrees. “Our investigators have been going over the tapes of their broadcasts since bin Laden’s death was announced, and the word I’m hearing is that they’ve never seen so much crupid in one place. It’s just a recipe for disaster, like lighting a match next to an open gas line.”

The building, located in midtown Manhattan just a few blocks from Times Square, blew up in what witnesses termed a massive blast at about 3:40 a.m. Friday. No one was inside the building at the time, and no injuries were reported.

“We got lucky,” said Ewing. “If this had happened during the day, with all the craziness and stupidity you had built up in there, we’d have had major loss of life.”

According to Farthammer, lethal levels of crazy have been brought in by, among others, Glenn Beck, who wondered on one broadcast if Bin Laden was “ghosted out of his compound” and speculated that what we’re seeing now is just a “show,” and Fox Business host Andrew Napolitano, who speculated that the government might not be “telling us the truth or pulling a fast one to save Obama's lousy presidency.”

Stupid emissions have included Sean Hannity, Karl Rove and others declaring, without any evidence, that Bin Laden’s death was a “victory for torture,” and countless claims that Obama’s appearance in New York City was a “shameless victory lap.”

Meanwhile, according to Farthammer, Fox & Friends’ Steve Doocy has brought enough of both elements to blow the building up all by himself, citing the following:

On the May 4th edition, Doocy said of the potential release of photographs of bin Laden's burial, "If you don't show [bin Laden's] face, then, you know, who's to say what was in that bag?" leading co-host Gretchen Carlson to immediately state: "I believe it was him." On May 3rd, after a guest pointed out that the body has been confirmed as bin Laden's through DNA testing, Doocy replied that skeptics won't "believe DNA" evidence, because "that's just numbers on a piece of paper." And Thursday, Doocy reacted to news that the Obama administration will not be releasing photographic evidence of bin Laden's death by claiming that the photograph will, eventually, be leaked, "if it exists."

Farthammer warned that other structures containing Republicans and right-wingers could also be in danger due to high levels of crupid. He cited The Washington Times building in the nation’s capital, and the homes of conservative bloggers like Michelle Malkin, who erroneously reported that President Obama had a flag removed from Ground Zero before his appearance there, and anyplace that Sarah Palin spends more than five minutes in.

“No doubt, when we’re talking about lethal mixtures of stupid and crazy, Palin is a walking bomb,” said Farthammer.

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