Tuesday, October 25, 2011

Pile of Manure Left on Debate Stage Surges to Lead in GOP Race

There’s a new leader in the race for the Republican presidential nomination. A pile of horse manure left on the stage before last night’s outdoor debate in Casper, Wyoming, was the runaway debate winner, according to a new poll out today. Perhaps even more surprising, “Joe the Manure Pile,” as the pile of horse poop has been dubbed, now leads the Republican field overall in the campaign to see who will oppose President Barack Obama in 2012.

52 percent of viewers called Joe the Manure Pile the debate’s big winner, compared with just 17 percent for Herman Cain and 13 percent for Michele Bachmann, according to a FOX News poll. And in a new Gallup poll out today, Joe leads in the race overall with 28 percent of the vote, followed by Cain at 24 percent and Romney with 22 percent.

“He didn’t make any gaffes,” said Republican strategist Karl Rove. “While Herman Cain got a lot of audience applause when he said he would put land mines along the Mexican border, and Rick Perry scored points when he said he’d order the National Guard to open fire on the Occupy Wall Street protesters, they also stumbled at times. Joe the Manure Pile was steady as a rock. Compared to the other candidates, he looked pretty presidential.”

Republican voters seemed to agree. “That pile of shit had the best ideas of anyone on our side,” said Preston Dullard, who was in the audience for the Tea Party-sponsored debate. “I really liked him. He’s a strong, silent type, and you know where he sits, issue-wise. He’s not a flip-flopper like Romney.”

“He’s down to earth,” said Wanda Panky, 62, who was also in the audience. “He doesn’t try to confuse everyone with his fancy plans, like Cain with that 999 stuff. Plus, Joe’s a real American. There’s no questioning that. We all saw him come out of that horse.”

Others, however, were more cautious. Like Tea Partier Goober Hockley of Stinkwater, Neb., who said: “At first I thought it was Mitch McConnell up there. He looks just like him. But then I thought, no, this feller’s not quite as slippery as McConnell. I liked him a lot, but I want to find out where he stands on the Sharia Law issue before I decide for sure.”

70-year-old Hoke Ferch of Pine Bluff, Ark., struck a similar chord. “I want to see how he does in a couple more debates before I make up my mind,” said Ferch. “I do like the way he sticks up for himself. He doesn’t take any guff. You didn’t see Romney put his hands on Joe the Manure Pile the way he did Perry did you? But on the downside, he’s a pile of horse pucky. Still, all things considered, he just might be the smartest one of the bunch.”

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