Wednesday, September 5, 2012

Paulnocchio on his convention speech: “Most awesome moment since that time I won the Super Bowl”

Republican Vice Presidential nominee Paul Ryan, speaking about his speech at the Republican National Convention, said that it was his “most awesome moment since that time I won the Super Bowl, playing quarterback for the Green Bay Packers.”

Ryan’s remarks came while delivering a speech in his hometown of Janesville, Wis.

“When I finished my convention speech, laying all those facts out there in front of the world like I did, it was just like when I threw that winning touchdown pass with just 14 seconds on the clock to beat the Pittsburgh Steelers in Super Bowl XLV. That was totally awesome!” Ryan shouted, pumping his fist like a frat boy at a kegger. “I totally nailed Obama with my awesome speech, just like we won the Super Bowl that day, thanks to my awesome record-breaking MVP performance.”

Ryan then recounted his triumphs at the recent Olympic Games in London, claiming he won “several” gold medals in track, before turning his attention to Obama. Ryan accused the President of gutting Medicare, and then blamed him for the closing of Janesville’s G.M. plant in 2008. He also blamed Obama for 9/11, the Iraq war and the Hindenburg disaster in 1937.

When asked later by reporters about the veracity of his claims, Ryan said, “We’re not going to let our campaign be dictated by fact checkers. If General Custer had listened to the fact checkers, he never would have won the Battle of the Little Big Horn. Then where would we be?”

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