Monday, May 13, 2013

I, For One, Welcome Our New Cicada Overlords

They’ve spent the last 17 years underground, sucking on tree roots and biding their time. But now, they’re crawling up out of the earth with their bulging red eyes, shedding their skin and looking for sex. No, we’re not talking about the cast of Jersey Shore. We’re talking about Brood II – the cicada infestation that’s swarming the east coast of the U.S. Scientists tell us the cicadas are harmless, but of course, like anyone who’s spent way too much time watching bad monster movies, we know better. In order to prepare you for the horror that’s sure to come, we’ve put together this collection of quotes from some of our favorite bad bug movies. Enjoy, and may the cicadas have mercy on your soul.

“I never dreamed it would turn out to be the bees. They’ve always been our friends!”
-- Michael Caine in “The Swarm”

“The ants only want us to take care of them, work for them, feed them. And that’s the way it should be. They are superior.”
-- Brainwashed sheriff in “Empire of the Ants”

“He’s more mosquito than man by now.”
-- Dr. Jennifer Allen in “Mansquito”

“Once they were men. Now they are land crabs.”
-- Dale in “Attack of the Crab Monsters”

“After I’ve dealt with these slugs, what do you say we get naked and crazy?”
-- Mike Brady in “Slugs: The Movie”

“You want us to conduct peace negotiations with bugs?”
-- Army official in “The Bees”

“Houston on fire. Will history blame me – or the bees?”
-- Richard Widmark in “The Swarm”

A queen of beauty by day … A lusting queen wasp by night!
-- Trailer for “The Wasp Woman”

“General, I’ll make a deal with you. You make me a sergeant in charge of the booze and I’ll enlist. Make me a sergeant in charge of the booze! Make me a sergeant in charge of the booze!”
-- Jensen in “Them!”

“Science or no science, a girl’s got to get her hair done.”
-- Stephanie Clayton in “Tarantula”

“If you want to be on the safe side, call the pest control people in Springdale and have ‘em send out all the DDT they can find.”
-- Dr. Kingman in “Earth vs. the Spider”

“This is the drone of death … the terrifying sound of the monstrous cosmic ray mutations that created the giant insect enemy!”
-- Narrator in the trailer for “Monster From the Green Hell”

“I’m going to be the first officer in U.S. battle history to get his butt kicked by a mess of bugs!”
-- Richard Widmark in “The Swarm”

“You HAVE to listen! You have to listen to what the bees have to say!”
-- Angel in “The Bees”

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