Wednesday, October 30, 2013

Twas the Night Before Halloween

Twas the night before Halloween
At the Wedgester’s apartment
But Wedgie wasn’t saying boo
‘cause he was behind in the rent

So he turned out the lights
And sat in the dark like a dummy
Just sat there all night
As quiet as a mummy

Until the sun came up
On Halloween morn
Still Wedgester just sat there
Eating Tootsie Rolls and Candy Corn

Then from outside his door
There arose such a din
He thought it was the aliens
Come to probe him again

He crept to the door
And peered through his peephole
And what he saw in the hall
Sent a chill through his soul

‘Cross the hallway he spied
Some trick-or-treaters there lurking
One dressed as Miley Cyrus
So painfully twerking

Behind her another  
costumed even stranger
‘twas Anthony Weiner
Dressed as Carlos Danger

A mustachioed guy in a beret
with a gun gave him a jolt
Dressed like a sprinter
With a sash that read: Saddam Hussein Bolt  

There’s the new Pope, Francis
In pointy hat and fancy nighty
And Breaking Bad’s Walter White
In gas mask and tighty-whiteys

Then Silvio Berlusconi
With a blonde and some fettuccine alfredo
And right behind them came a guy
Dressed as a Sharknado

There, of course, was a pirate
Hopping around on a stump
And someone dressed as a pregnant belly --
Kim Kardashian’s baby bump

And two hours late,
Justin Bieber, looking so swank
With a pet monkey on a leash
And a Belieber – Anne Frank

Finally, when all the trick or treaters
Had come and had gone
Wedgester, still at the peephole,
Stifling a yawn

Saw a giant orange head
With a grin that was insaner
Than a barrel of chimps
Wedgester threw open his door and cried out, “John Boehner?”

But it wasn’t the Speaker
‘Twas just his landlord
Carrying a pumpkin he’d carved
Into a decorative gourd

His landlord said, “Ain’t she a beaut?
I hand-carved and hand-picked it.
And then I just dropped by
To say you’re evicted.”

Wedgester gave up the ghost
And shuffled down to the dumpster
Crawled in and went to sleep in a puddle
Of what he hoped was Worcestershire

A little while later he awoke
And knew it was all a bad dream
For his butt was quite sore
And an alien, looking down, said, “Happy Halloween!”

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