Monday, October 7, 2013

The story of Johnny Appleseed, as reimagined by Breaking Bad creator Vince Gilligan

Excerpts from “Bad Apple,” the story of Johnny Appleseed as reimagined by Breaking Bad creator Vince Gilligan, starring Bryan Cranston as the American folk hero, and Aaron Paul as the apple planter’s one-time student.

Scene I.

Johnny Appleseed’s house. Johnny is talking with his wife, Skyler.

Skyler: You know, I’ve been thinking we should buy that Wagon Wash over on Eubank. It’d make a perfect cover story to launder your cider money.

Appleseed: Not right now, Skyler. It’s too dangerous.

Skyler: John, if you’re in danger, we should go to the constable.

Appleseed: I don’t want to hear about the constable…

Skyler: But if it’s either that or you getting hit with an apple when you open your front door… You are not some hardened criminal, John, you’re in over your head.

Appleseed: Okay, we’re done here…

Skyler: John, please. Just admit you’re in danger!

Appleseed: Who are you talking to right now? Who is it you think you see? Do you know how many apple trees I plant a year? I mean, even if I told you, you wouldn’t believe it. No, you clearly don’t know who you’re talking to, so let me clue you in. I am not in danger, Skyler, I am the danger. A guy opens his door and gets hit with an apple, and you think that of me? No. I am the one who plants!

Scene II 

Johnny Appleseed, wearing a pot on his head, sits in a covered wagon with Jesse and Mike, riding through the desert as throbbing rap music plays. They pull up in front of a group of rival cider dealers.

Mike: Your play, John. You’re on your own.

They exit the wagon and face off across from Declan and his crew.

Declan: Looks like you’re about 1,000 gallons light here, Mike. Where’s the juice?

Appleseed: Apple juice isn’t coming.

Declan: Why’s that? Who the hell are you?

Appleseed: You know. You all know exactly who I am. Say my name.

Declan: Do what? I don’t have a damn clue who the hell you are.

Appleseed: Yeah you do. I’m the planter. I’m the man who almost killed Snow White.

Declan: Bullshit. Evil queen got White.

Appleseed: You sure?

Declan looks at Mike, who shakes his head. Declan and his men suddenly look nervous.

Appleseed: That’s right. Now, say my name.

Declan: You’re Appleseed.

Johnny: You’re goddamn right!

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