Murderers from around the world are moving to Florida after a Tampa Bay jury found Casey Anthony not guilty of murdering her 2-year-old daughter, Caylee. The jury somehow believed Anthony’s defense, that the girl drowned in the family pool and that her father, a former police officer, decided to make the death look like a homicide by placing duct tape over the child’s mouth and dumping the body in some nearby woods.
“Wow!” said Ralph Rousseau, 27, formerly of Tarzana, Calif., as he stepped off a Trailways bus in downtown Orlando. “I thought the O.J. jury was dumb, but these Florida juries take the cake. They gotta have the dumbest juries in the world here. I mean, who makes an accident look like a murder? It’s crazy! And they bought it!” Rousseau then let out a whoop, pulled out a .38-caliber handgun, and began firing. “I’m gonna blame it on Bigfoot!” he yelled.
Meanwhile, at the Miami International Airport’s Baggage Claim carousels, 57-year-old Harold Crumb was collecting his luggage after a flight from Topeka, Kan. “I plan to stab some folks, my brother-in-law and probably a few more, and blame it on the space aliens,” said Crumb. “They’ll believe me. Why wouldn’t they? If that Anthony jury believed that load of garbage, they’ll believe anything. This is a great day for murderers!”
In Tampa, Josh Huggins, 34, of Ames, Iowa, was arrested after several witnesses saw him push his 32-year-old wife off of a 14th-floor balcony of the downtown Hilton Hotel. “She drowned in the pool!” Huggins yelled as police led him away. “I was just trying to make it look like murder!”