A Note From the Wedgietor

Happy New Year, foofs. We trust you all had a Merry Christmahannukwanzadan. I think that covers just about everyone.
To those of you who've just stumbled onto this site and have no clue what it is, first, stop screaming, please. You're disturbing the other inmates. Second, you're not having a nightmare. You've simply fallen down a wormhole to the bottom of the interwebs. It's important to remember that, since you are in a wormhole, if you feel an itch, please don't drag your butt on the carpet. I just had it cleaned. Also, if you cut off my head I won't die, because, like all worms, I have no brain, but I can sense light with my photoreceptors! And, since I am a worm, I'm hermaphroditic, so if you tell me to go f--- myself (I'm lookin' at you, Mr. Cheney), I'll take you literally.
Like any self-respecting Lumbricus terrestris, I spend most of my time tunneling through the soil of the internet, scouring the dirt and muck for the funniest, oddest, stupidest, strangest news that's out there, and bringing it to the surface. Think of me as the bastard lovechild of Walter Cronkite and Beavis and Butthead. Only I have no appendages and I secrete slime. Fair warning!
So, thanks for dropping in. Have a look around. Have fun. And when you leave, if you happen to find something you think is funny at some other site, feel free to send it over. I can't do everything myself. Hey, I'm a worm here! I got no arms or legs!

And that's the way it is, fartknockers.