Friday, April 1, 2011

Maine's Governor Goes Into Labor

Last week the Republican governor of Maine, portly teabagger Paul LePage, removed a labor-themed mural from the state’s Labor Department headquarters and hid it in an “undisclosed location” because he said the mural -- which depicts mill workers, labor strikes and child laborers among its scenes -- is biased in favor of organized labor.

LePage, currently vacationing in Florida, refuses to tell anyone where he’s hidden the mural. But here at the Daily Wedgie, we’ve learned that the removal of the labor mural is just the first change that LePage and his anti-union wingnuts are planning to make. Here’s a few of the other changes on their list:

* Change the title of the federal holiday that falls on the first Monday in September from Labor Day to CEO’s Day

* Change the title of composer Aaron Copland’s “Fanfare for the Common Man” to “Fanfare for the Billionaire”

* Change the folk labor song, “John Henry” to “David Koch” (lyrics changed from “John Henry was a steel-drivin’ man” to “Dave Koch was a wealth-inheritin’ man”)

* Change the title of John Steinbeck’s novel from “The Grapes of Wrath” to “The Teabags of Wrath”

* Remove the story in the Bible that depicts Jesus feeding bread and fish to the multitudes and replace it with the story of Jesus serving champagne and caviar to the country club members

* Have the child’s toy GI Joe removed from all stores and replaced with an action figure named Heroic Haliburton War Profiteer Dick

* Change the official soft drink of Maine from Moxie to Koch

* Change the Arthur Miller play from “A Streetcar Named Desire” to “A Private Jet Named Desire,” and the hero from Stanley Kowalski to Donald Trump (“Ivankaaaaa!”)

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