Tuesday, March 29, 2011

Walker ignores court order, invades Minnesota

Just before dawn today, Wisconsin national guard tanks, infantry and security forces supplied by Blackwater CEO Erik Prince invaded Minnesota. Soon afterwards several private jets belonging to the Koch brothers bombarded the cities of Duluth, Minneapolis and St. Paul. They have been making swift progress in penetrating Minnesotan defenses which are heavily outnumbered in artillery, infantry and air power.

“We have it on good authority that people in Minnesota have been sending food and other aid to the workers of Wisconsin,” Gov. Scott Walker said. “Since we are at war with the state’s workers, this is an act of aggression by the state of Minnesota. This morning, our forces have moved against the aggressors.”

The attack comes just one day after Dane County Judge Maryann Sumi issued a second order enjoining the state of Wisconsin from enforcing Walker’s new union-busting law. Walker had refused to abide by the judge’s initial ruling, insisting that he is the Supreme Ruler in the state. Walker had the state Legislative Reference Bureau publish the law, and the next day the state began charging state employees more for their healthcare and pension benefits.

“We’re not going to let some activist judge tell us what we can and can’t do,” said Walker, who appeared to be sporting a short, new mustache. “Elections have consequences.”

Meanwhile, state senate Republicans introduced a bill that would force all middle-class workers to begin wearing yellow badges with pictures of Rosie the Riveter on them. Republicans were seen in the state capital of Madison, putting up flyers depicting the new labor badges, with the phrase: “He who wears this symbol is an enemy of our state’s business people.”

There were also reports of workers being rounded up and relocated to abandoned “ghettoes” in Eau Claire, La Crosse and Green Bay.

Said Walker: “It’s a protective measure, to keep our workers safe from union thugs who want to force them to pay union dues. We’ve put up barbed wire around their new homes so that they don’t have to worry about being bothered by these union gangsters, and they can get a good night’s sleep, which they’ll need because now, without the unions, they’re free to work seventy, eighty hours a week without having to worry that all that overtime pay will push them into a new tax bracket.”

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