Wisconsin Gov. Scott Walker, emboldened by Republicans ability to strip workers of bargaining rights in his state, is pushing a new bill that would force all workers in the state to pay a monthly “tribute” to the CEOs of the companies they work for. According to Walker’s plan, this monthly tribute could be paid in cash, valuables or grain.
“Although, let’s face it," said Walker, "most of the so-called ‘valuables’ these peasants have would be unacceptable pieces of stinky trash to the owners of the larger corporations. I mean, can you imagine David Koch wanting your ratty old couch or your grubby kids’ smudged-up toys? Come on. Let’s get real, here. We want cash. Gold, preferably, or pieces of silver.”
Grain, however, would be acceptable because corporate bosses could then turn around and sell it at exorbitant prices to countries in the Middle East and elsewhere, making a profit, said Walker.
“It’s only right and fair,” said State Senate Majority Leader Scott Fitzgerald, a Republican. “These workers who still have jobs are making far more money and have more benefits than most Americans, who are unemployed and have nothing. Compared to the thousands of teachers we’ll be laying off, they’re rich! The serfs should be down on their knees thanking their corporate lords that they aren’t thrown out on the street, where they would die like miserable swine.”
Walker says that the new bill would enable corporate bosses to hire more people. "We've tried cutting their taxes, and that didn't work. 75 percent of corporations don't pay any taxes at all, and they're still not hiring. They need more," he said.
When asked to respond to Democratic charges that the bill is unconstitutional, Walker said: "Then we'll change the constitution. Elections have consequences."