Tuesday, April 23, 2013

Cannibal Run

Now that Hannibal -- the new NBC series about Hannibal Lector -- is a hit, you can bet the other networks are all looking to strike ratings gold with their own cannibal shows. We've got a few ideas for them:

Here Comes Honey-Glazed Boo-Boo – She tastes better than ‘sketti and Go-Go Juice!

How I ‘Et Your Mother – Sorry, future kids who will now never be born!

Dumb and Dahmer – Hilarity ensues when Lloyd and Harry meet Jeffrey, a nice young fellow from Milwaukee, who takes them home to his apartment.

I Love Lucy (So Much I Went Back for Seconds) – This time it’s Ricky who’s got some ‘splainin’ to do…

Braising Hope – Pass the gravy, Maw-Maw.

Eat the Press – Where we find out David Gregory doesn’t taste good, either.

Baking Brad – That’s not meth Walt and Jessie are cookin’…

Malcolm in the Griddle – Frankie Muniz learns there are worse things than being the middle child.

Savoring Private Ryan – Matt Damon, you are so much tastier than K-rations!

Dawson’s Cheek – You can stick a fork in James Van Der Beek. Literally.

Undercooked Boss – It’s a rare chief executive who works as hard as his employees.

Donner Party of Five – What happens when the Salingers’ car runs out of gas in the Sierra Nevadas.

Paris, When She Sizzles – Somebody finally found a use for Paris Hilton.

Queer Eye for the Cannibal Guy – Each week the Fab Five perform a makeover on a different cannibal, revamping his wardrobe (all those blood stains!), redecorating his home (what’s with the tacky, skeleton-strewn pit in the basement? It’s so “Silence of the Lambs!”) and offering advice on grooming.

So You Think You Can Dance While You’re Manacled to the Wall in the Secret Room in My Basement? Contestants compete in a wide variety of dance styles, including Salsa, Cha-Cha-Cha, Foxtrot, Tango and both Contemporary and Latin Jazz, while being held captive by various cannibalistic psychopaths.

Howard’s End (is delicious!) – What? It’s the best part!  

Heating Up the Kardashians – Somebody finally found a use for Kim, Kourtney and Khloe.

Two Broke Ghouls – Max and Caroline run out of money and can’t afford food, so they start kidnapping and eating the customers at the Williamsburg Diner. Hilarity ensues.

Axed Men – Hey, those loggers get hungry after a hard day of Butt rigging.

My Lunch is Earl – What happens when Earl shows up at Hannibal Lector’s house to make amends for a past wrong.

The Brady Brunch – Where do you think Sam the Butcher got all that meat?

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