But enough about our Eathter egg hunt gone horribly wrong.
Wedgeheads, we've been doing some thinking, and we've come to a conclusion. We’re living the dream. You know, the one where you’re sitting at work and suddenly you realize you forgot to wear pants? That one. But we digress. We’re living the dream – all of us. We’ve got it easy. We forget that, just a few measly centuries ago, we would have been sitting around thinking, “Boy, I wish that guy in the horned helmet would stop stabbing me.”
Wedgeheads, we've been doing some thinking, and we've come to a conclusion. We’re living the dream. You know, the one where you’re sitting at work and suddenly you realize you forgot to wear pants? That one. But we digress. We’re living the dream – all of us. We’ve got it easy. We forget that, just a few measly centuries ago, we would have been sitting around thinking, “Boy, I wish that guy in the horned helmet would stop stabbing me.”
Which reminds us. There’s this new show on the History channel called Vikings. It’s set in the 9th century, and based on the exploits of a real Norseman from history, Ragnar Lodbrok, who leads a bunch of other Vikings on a raid to England, where they find the cast of Downton Abbey sitting around eating tea and crumpets. You get the picture. Pillaging and plundering ensues.
We got curious about Ragnar, so we decided to read up on him, and we found that he had a son named Ivar the Boneless. Yeah. Thanks for the name, Pops!
Anyway, that got us to thinking about all the other really cool names they used to give people back then, like Charles the Fat, Richard the Lionheart, and Cedric the Entertainer, and how cool it would be if we still had names like that. Then, when our coworkers saw us at the vending machine, they’d say, “Hello, Wedgitor the Pantless.”
Haven’t we suffered enough with our boring old, garden variety, milquetoast names? It’s time we created new names, Viking names for the 21st century!
And so we did. We present them to you now. Look them over and choose the one that fits you best, or, make up your own! Mix and match with your friends!
Here's how to turn your name into a Viking name. Take your first name, followed by the word "the" and then add one of the following:
Competent
Competent
Poor Credit Risk
Loud Tie Wearer
Brown-Noser
Flatulent
Warlike
Herniated
Over perfumed
Bad Joke Forwarder
Excessively Caffeinated
Lactose Intolerant
Tweeter
Tissue Filcher
Aggressive Driver
Bad Parallel Parker
Doughnut Eater
Not-So-Terrible
Stinky
Technologically Challenged
Pickle Fancier
Uninsured
Overly Familiar
Mediocre
Mildly Annoying
Disorganized
Remote Hoarder
No comments:
Post a Comment