Sunday, July 14, 2013

Just when you thought it was safe to go back in the tornado … Sharknado!

What’s worse than a sharknado? How about a Shih Tzunami?

Just a couple of nights ago we were sitting on our couch watching TV when it happened, the moment none of us will ever forget. Years from now, decades even, people will come up to you on the street and ask, “Do you remember where you were when the Sharknado hit?” And you will answer, “Yes. Yes I do.”

Sharknado, the fabulously stupid made-for-TV movie about sharks being picked up in giant water spouts and hurled at Los Angeles (honest, this is a real movie!), premiered on the SyFy channel on Thursday, taking the country by, uhh, storm.

The first thing we did, immediately after sitting down to write the sequel (which we’re either going to call “Abraham Lincoln: Sharknado Killer” or “Sharknadoes on a Plane,” we can’t decide) was to read some other folks’ suggestions for the sequel, on Twitter, including:

and Hurricanine

We’ve come up with our own list:

Shih Tzunami


Baboonhaboob (or simply “baboob”): a haboob full of baboons

Penguinferno: It ends with our hero kneeling on a sandy beach before a toppled, scorched Statue of Liberty, wailing, “You tuxedoed pyromaniacs! You burned it up!”

Apecano: Everything was fine until the volcano started spewin’ monkeys!

Terminatornado: A tornado with Terminators in it

Gnu’easter: A storm full of gnus off the New England coast

Godzillacane: A hurricane full of Godzillas

Gatorquake: An earthquake that spews giant gators

Kittycane: the purrrfect storm
And for you vegetarians out there:

Beet Wave

and Potatocano

And one for the dessert lovers:

Piephoon: “Make mine blueberry, o mighty Poseidon!”

Perhaps even scarier are the celebrity versions:
Kardashianami: Is there anything more terrifying?

SharkNader: It ate Al Gore’s presidency

Mr. T-phoon: I pity the ‘phoon who thinks he can blow me away!

Hitlercano: Yes, a volcano that spews Hitlers

Valcano: Or one that spews Val Kilmers

Charlie Halestorm: It’s not just raining men, it’s hailing mayors!

Tornado: A tornado full of Tor Johnsons, the ex-wrestler-turned-actor from Plan 9 From Outer Space

Trumpphoon: Alternate title, “Blow Hard”

Ben Huricane: A hurricane full of Charlton Hestons

Mel Gibsunami: The Jews caused it!  Or, Hello, Sugarwaves

Earthaquake: An earthquake full of Eartha Kitts

Here-Comes-Honeyhabooboo: A rube-filled haboob

Carmen Electracalstorm

Phoebe Snowstorm

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