Sarah Palin said today that the real purpose for Paul Revere’s famous 1775 “midnight ride” was to warn the British about Anthony Weiner’s penis tweets.
“He who warned uh, the British that they weren’t gonna be takin’ away our freedom of speech rights, uh by snappin’ those photos, and um, makin’ sure as he’s riding his horse through town to send those warning shots and tweets that we were going to be sure and we were going to be free, and we were going to be armed. With bulging underpants.”
Upon hearing Palin’s latest free-form interpretation of American history, the Mama Grizzly’s supporters immediately flocked to Wikipedia and furiously edited Henry Wadsworth Longfellow’s famous poem, “The Midnight Ride of Paul Revere,” to match her claims.
Here is an excerpt of the new Palinized version of the poem:
“The Midnight Tweet of Anthony Weiner”
by Henry Wadsworth Longfellow
Listen my children and you shall hear
Of the midnight tweet of Anthony Weiner,
On the eighteenth of May, in 2011
His underpants bulging, like a loaf of bread that’s been leavened
In a tweet that was heard ‘round the blogosphere
He sent to a co-ed, out west in Seattle
Tweets of his junior representative, begging her not to tattle.
But Breitbart, the goon, never associated with fact
Found the tweet and fired the first shots of attack.
“Aha!” cried Breitbart, with a mighty bellow.
“Weiner’s tweeted photos of his little Longfellow.
“That’s him, in his undies, in these photos, so lewd.”
Said Weiner: “I can’t say that’s my penis, with any certitude.”
“No, no!” said the Rep. “My Tweets have been hacked.
‘Tis not me, committing some Twitter sex act.”
“It’s him,” said Breitbart. “Of morals, he’s bereft.
We all know that this Weiner leans hard to the left.”
And then from the Internet, other accusations, they sprang
Until Weiner admitted, “Yes, ‘twas me. I tweeted my wang.”
“Vindication!” cried Breitbart. “For me, who’ve been scorned,
After Shirley Sherrod, and my shameful lies ‘bout ACORN.”
And now the party of Vitter and Ensign demand an election
After Weiner resigns, due to his tweeted erection.
But Weiner stands firm ‘neath the onslaught and vows, still,
That he will not step down just because of arousal.
And the American public is left but to wonder,
How a guy name of Weiner could make such a blunder.
Should we now worry about a boner from Boehner, or, not to be outdone,
Perhaps Norman Dicks, the Dem from Washington?
Will Rep. Anna Eshoo of California tweet herself sneezing?
Or will it be Roy Blunt of Missouri, toking up and a-wheezing?
Will we see Rep. John Boozman, drunk on the lawn?
Will Mike Crapo tweet pictures of himself on the john?
Will Richard Lugar be caught hocking goop from his nose?
Or Orrin Hatch sitting nude on an egg, I suppose.
All this because Weiner, sadly named at his birth
Tried to let his Longfellow shoot its Wadsworth.